Skrivet av: jukkabysea | november 5, 2011

Scene 3 Half an hour later in the kitchen garden of the pub W.

JAN I need some air. This thing is really killing me.

JUKKA It’s nice with a garden in exchange for the pub.

JAN Look! They grow their own vegetables. There is Phaseolus vulgaris Leguminosae.

JAN How did you grow up, Jukka?

JUKKA It was the only thing I could eat when I was a kid in Finland, where I grew up outside Helsinki.

JUKKA In a large house. My father was in the military. He was a harsh man. My mother made all the Nanning. Of course I had a nanny or two. My mother mostly walked around in her dresses.

JAN Walking through a garden.

JUKKA My mother was dead sexy and had men when my father was in the military.

JAN I grew up in a bad suburb to Stockholm. My parents used to beat me up.

JUKKA That’s horrible! But I guess in the forties people didn’t care about it.

JAN My dad was nice in comparison to my mother. She. Well. I don’t want to talk about it.

JUKKA I guess I was spoiled.

JAN When I was eleven I met my love of my life. My lass. She was fourteen and I was green. The rooms where much colder then. I smoked cigarettes as ten.

JUKKA Did you do it with your clothes on?

JAN Yes, well I just lifted her. You know. I remember it as yesterday. It was 1953. She had blond hair and laughed a lot. She was to be married to this working class fellow but wanted to do it before the wedding.

JUKKA Was it really fun for a young woman to do it with a tiny little boy?

JAN Hey! I looked like fifteen.

JUKKA Yes, but fifteen year olds are often not what young women want. They want men.

JAN Well, she wanted to be prepared for that brute which waited for her on the wedding. I fantasised about her for years. But I guess she became a normal person. In my fantasies she became this queen. Like a fairy queen.

JUKKA I think you think about Elizabeth of England who was referred to as the fairy Queen. But she oppressed the Irish. That wasn’t the behaviour a fairy would do. All Irishmen are practically fairy’s.

JAN laughs.

JAN You would get beaten up in Ireland for that talk. I just said this woman became my idol. And then I read about her fifteen years later. And that changed everything.  I was already a budding famous artist in my own right. A mod. I had fulfilled my sexual fantasies and yet I had this image in my head of this beautiful blond who looked like Birgit Bardot.

JUKKA I never liked blondes. I go for brunettes or the minorities.

JAN Minorities? That’s just so typical of you white, heterosexual middle aged men to call everyone not white minorities. Most people are not white. And just talking about them and we is a racist thing.

JUKKA Sorry, I just remembered that you are a candidate for the communist party.

JAN They are just the left party now days.

JUKKA I hate politics.

JAN So do I. I just support the left because they dole out all the money to artists.

JUKKA That’s a selfish thing to do.

JAN People are deeply selfish. I would support whatever supported me.

JUKKA That salad looking thing is that salad?

JAN That’s Lactuca sativa. I guess the cook uses it.

JUKKA Are you very thankful for the cook because he saved you from the long man?

JAN Whatever. Anyway, I was a young good looking guy in the sixties. And then I read about her. She wasn’t with the brute worker anymore but was a famous model in London. There was an article about her in the newspaper.  She begun as a nude model and was now hanging out with the stars of the day. I stopped loving her then.

JUKKA When the small dog barks ten times with a high pitched sound what does that mean?

JAN What?

JUKKA I just heard it.

JAN Oh no!

LONG MAN Hello, I’m sorry to disturb you again.

JAN All right, got damn man. I give up, the cook is not in sight just show me the chess.

LONG MAN I don’t think chess is proper outside. I thought we could just talk.

JUKKA I dig your clothes.

LONG MAN Thank you. I bought them in northern Italy. The cape was handmade in Florence.

JAN Is it worth to negotiate?

LONG MAN People have been trying to negotiate with me since man could speak.

JAN I could get you a date with a gorgeous bartender.

LONG MAN I am sure hers and mine roads will cross at some point.

JAN Got damn! You will like her more now than in fifty years.

JUKKA Is it the bartender you’re talking about?

JAN Yes.

JUKKA You can’t give her to him. She’s mine.

LONG MAN I like her. What would you accept for her?

JAN A couple of more years?

JUKKA Wait a minute!

LONG MAN Yes, but how many?

JAN Twenty?

LONG MAN You are a wreck. Constantly smoking and drinking. I could give you five.

JUKKA Is it my girlfriend you are talking about?

JAN It’s just a girl.

LONG MAN People have offered me castles for five years.

JAN I guess it’s better than nothing.

JUKKA Wait a little Mr Long man! It’s not his girl to give away!

LONG MAN Who’s is she?

JUKKA Her own!

LONG MAN Everybody is owned by someone. Except me. I am free.

JUKKA Whatever, she isn’t his.

Some teenagers pee in the garden.

JAN shouts

JAN Why do you pee on the Raphanus sativus?


JAN Youngsters! You’re not real men! I will show you a real man!

JAN undresses  naked in the autumn garden.


JAN This is a real man!

TEENAGERS Let’s go back to the pub. He’s mad!

JUKKA You’ll catch a cold, put some clothes on.

JAN What does it matter now?


JAN Long man, does my naked body make you hesitant?

JUKKA I know you are interested in him.

JAN Well, let´s say nude makeup wouldn’t make any difference on him.

JUKKA He never shows his face. I couldn’t tell if he is in need of real make up.

JAN I have seen his face and he needs thick layers of it.

LONG MAN Do you think I need make up?

JAN Yes, lots.

JUKKA I think you’re rude to him. He hasn’t done you anything.

LONG MAN I have read about nude makeup. It would suit a man better than real.

JAN Why do you say you’re the only free man? I have met lots of men.

LONG MAN It’s just something I came to think about in the seventies. I met several people in the early seventies who claimed to be free. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Ravi Shankar.


JUKKA Did you really meet this guys? You must be famous!

JAN  I met Jim Morrison briefly myself.

LONG MAN I had a long conversation with Jim. He was a real nobleman. He charmed me. In the end I had to tell him I didn’t have time to listen to him anymore.

JAN Ha! Ravi Shankar is living. In California!

LONG MAN I met him. I am sorry to say he escaped me.

JAN He escaped you!

LONG MAN He was so charming. I’m not used to men who charm me. He asked me if my life wasn’t empty. I had to say yes. Then he explained about a cosmos I never seen. It was a world filled with warmth. He gave me some brownies and played citar. I decided to let him go.

JAN Ha! Then it’s possible to negotiate with you!

LONG MAN  Yes but most people do it in the wrong way. They just tries to bribe me.

JAN When I last saw Ravi Shankar he was an old man.

LONG MAN I know that and I’m sorry for it.

JUKKA Does he use nude makeup?

JAN I don’t think so. He’s just so cool.

JUKKA I don’t think I am less of “real” man just because I just clear mascara.

JAN I don’t believe you are less because of it either.

LONG MAN Anyway, before I was interrupted, I would love to wait for a long while before visiting him.

JAN Just because you like him?


JUKKA If you want any tips on makeup go and ask the bartender. She is the best on makeup!

LONG MAN I like her too. She is cocky.

JAN She’s rooster y.

LONG MAN I don’t like you.

JAN The same.

LONG MAN walks in to the pub.

JUKKA You shiver.

JAN That was a close one.

JUKKA Put your clothes on before you die.

JAN laughs.

JUKKA Who is that man? A famous person?

JAN Perhaps.

JUKKA I have heard that the cook plants marijuana in secret here somewhere.

JAN That’s just what I need now. I need to get high.

JUKKA and JAN digs the garden and roots up most of the vegetables in doing so.

JAN Here!

JUKKA I have found some too.

JAN It’s enough to get high as eagles.

JAN and JUKKA sit on the outside furniture and smokes.

BARTENDER What the fuck did you do to the garden?

JAN laughs.

JUKKA tries to speak.

BARTENDER The cook will kill you for sure.

JUKKA What did the Long man say, love?

BARTENDER A rude son of a bitch. I gave him advice on how to look fresher with nude make up. And guess what he told me?

JAN Yes what.

BARTENDER He told me he would avoid me in the future. I thought he was sexy. That fucking man.

JAN laughs.

JUKKA It’s time to get into the pub again. Before the cook and his dog sees us.

The moon gets up and the BARTENDER takes the cigarette from JAN who laughts at loud.



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